Change & Acceptance

As human beings change is an inevitable part of our lives. Our bodies and minds change, our personalities develop, circumstances, relationships, desires, and interests all change over time. Life is in a constant state of change; it is written into our very DNA.

That being said, we must come to terms that there are certain things we cannot change. As Christ teaches in the book of Matthew, "Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?" (6:27).

We cannot simply will ourselves be taller than we are. Likewise we cannot shut off certain emotions that we feel in the moment. We cannot force every thought away for good. We cannot make someone fall in love with us, nor can we make ourselves fall in love with someone else.

In our lives we can often feel like a pendulum swinging back and forth between the things we can change and the things we cannot. We may become frustrated because we want so much to change things about ourselves and our lives, yet we find ourselves stunted.

A Pendulum at the Griffith Observatory

For myself, I have struggled to reconcile the ideas of change and acceptance. I have swung heavily towards change, believing that I have the power to take my life into my own hands and to morph it into everything I ever wanted.

I have realized through experience, that not everything in life can be controlled. I cannot change the fact that I experience my own internal struggles that make life hard. I cannot stop myself from feeling certain emotions that I would rather not. I cannot change the people around me to make them more suitable to my preferences.

I have had to loosen my grip on control and begin practicing acceptance. The issue, however, is that I can just easily swing to the other side of the pendulum and begin to believe that there is nothing I can change. I question whether I can become more of the person that I want to be; I question if I can make an actual difference in the world; I question if I can meet the challenges that I face in life.

This is where balance between change and acceptance becomes essential. As the oft quoted Serenity Prayer says,

"God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I am having to learn that while many things in my life are outside of my control, there are things that I can change. These things take time; change is often very gradual. It has also been my experience that true change always starts from a place of love and acceptance.

I think about some of my own personal challenges which I did not ask for and did not cause. Someone once told me, "It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility." There are things in life that we cannot change and have to accept, but at the same time we cannot lose hope that real, genuine change, is in fact possible.